Posted in Personal

My thoughts: you can read them if you want

Why is it, that when we grow into adults we lose our creativity?

Why is it, that the things that once made us happy, we give up on?

When I was young, I loved being creative.

I used to paint, sing, write songs, stories, design clothes, draw, colour and create anything and everything that popped into my mind.

I feel like I stopped designing clothes around the age of 9, painting and drawing faded by the time I was around 14.

I wrote stories until maybe 15, and I stopped singing at around 18.

It’s only now, at the age of 20, that I am realising just how much I would give to feel the way I felt back then. The feeling of being totally and completely immersed in something that is all your own.

There was a time when I started writing FanFiction – and no it wasn’t the gross kind you’re thinking of – it was just stories, based off characters I knew, but with plots of my own and I remember being so utterly immersed in it that I was writing or reading pretty much all the time. I remember being told off for reading a fantasy book in biology class and hiding the stories I was writing behind my actual workbooks because my ideas were just fighting their way out of my head and I absolutely couldn’t wait to get them down on paper.

Now, I write news stories, I make news videos, I produce news audio. That’s all well and good, it gives me the structure and basic skills I need to carry on to more creative projects. My issue is that I just can’t muster up the excitement that I used to have over such creative projects and I wonder why that is.

I have managed to keep up a reading habit, which I am proud of, and did start doing musical theatre again this year, which I am ecstatic about, but it still doesn’t feel enough.

I wonder why, when I look at the adults around me, most of them are in the same boat. I envy the lucky few who managed to hold on to their creativity, but I’m determined to get mine back and that starts with being a little bit more fearless.

Which is why I’m posting this, because some people are going to read it and judge me, they’ll think this is cheesy, they’ll think I’m over-dramatic.

  1. News flash. I am over-dramatic.
  2. Who even cares? This is me and these are my thoughts right at this second and if you don’t like that then I really don’t know why you’ve bothered reading this far.
  3. I will probably also look back on this in a few years, or a few months, hell probably next week and also acknowledge that this is cheesy and over-dramatic.

This felt good. Thanks for reading my train of thought.

Does anyone else feel like me or do you all just think I’m a lunatic?

It’s not New Years yet, but I determined to prove to myself that I can get back on the creative bandwagon. That I can get lost in my writing again and not even care what anyone else thinks of it because it’s mine.

I don’t know how to end this now. So. End. Much love ❤

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